A swirl feels like this

I feel helpless, worthless, hopeless

I have no energy, no purpose, I feel isolated
I feel overwhelmed
I am in despair and afraid
I am in a space devoid of hope
I am all I and no I
Panic is constant
Roses don't smell of anything
I've had wild thoughts that I was dying, and panicked
I can’t sit still, something is
agitating my body and my mind, and I'm anxious

It’s like being in a closed space, it's claustrophobic. How do I get out
when I feel swept up in a swirling vortex?

Someone inside me is intent on soul murder; who is it? Can I talk to her?
Will she answer? Is there anyone there?
No, it’s just me and my fear, we’re bad company. But what is the fear? It’s not rational, I can’t explain it but it’s all mine, it gets going inside me.
Is my chemistry out of balance?
Are they ’bad thoughts' because I feel guilty, ashamed, remorse, regret? It’s funneling, whirling, gaining momentum and force, like a tornado, a circular swirl with an empty centre.
Is that centre lifeless, something annihilated? Is that the fear, the panic, the high anxiety?

Swirl is a metaphor to describe an existential mood state. It is a deeply unpleasant experience that borders on despair and anguish.

When in this state, emotional paralysis takes over. We lose voice, agency and will. We feel diminished.

What is unique about the Swirl is that it denotes a range of distressing experiences that go together and relate to an internal physical, emotional and mental space which however might have recognisable dimensions and coordinates.

This blog is an attempt to understand and explore the origins, dimensions and effects of the Swirl

Swirl is like a black hole; we fall into it or get sucked in. We feel overwhelmed by something stronger than ourselves.

The Swirl is different from other emotional states because it brings together descriptors like panic, anxiety and fear and places them in a three dimensional space: i.e. sucked into a swirl as into a whirlpool.

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